You May Be Too Old
for the Gig if...

A few clues to tell when you're past prime time

Your gig stool needs to have a back.
You need a nap before the gig.
The waitress is actually your daughter.
You actually ask the guitar player to turn up.
All your fans get up and leave by 9:30 p.m.
You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
You prefer a music stand with a light.
The first thing you do when you arrive is to locate the restroom.
It's more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp.
Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.
All you want from groupies is a nice foot massage and back rub.
You like taking the elevator since you can sing along with most of your playlist.
You check the tv schedule before booking a gig.
Instead of adding another member, your band wants to hire a roadie.
You forgot where you put the directions to the gig.
You need your glasses to see the amp settings.
You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
The last new tune you added to your set is from 1970.

You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
The only Rolling Stones you care about are in your gallbladder.
Most of your crowd just sits and sways in their seats.
You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.
You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.
You refuse to play without wearing earplugs.
You're related to at least one member in the band.
You start listing your truss as a business expense.
You hope the host's speech lasts forever.
The only white powder you have is on your feet.
You never let any one else sit-in on a tune.
After the third set, you ask the club manager to let you quit early.
During the breaks, you go to your van to lie down and rest your eyes.
You don't recover from the gig until Tuesday afternoon.
You buy amps because of their weight, not their tone or cool factor.
You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days.
You can remember at least seven different club names for the same location.
You feel guilty looking at hot women at the bar since they're younger than your daughter.