You May Be Too Old for the Gig if...

• Your gig stool needs to have a back.
• You need a nap before the gig.
• The waitress is actually your daughter.
• All your fans get up and leave by 9:30 p.m.
• You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
• You prefer a music stand with a light.
• It's more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp.
• Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.
• All you want from groupies is a nice foot massage and back rub.
• You like taking the elevator since you can sing along with most of your playlist.
• Instead of adding another member, your band wants to hire a roadie.
• You forgot where you put the directions to the gig.
• You need your glasses to see the amp settings.
• You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
• You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
• Most of your crowd just sits and sways in their seats.
• You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.
• You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.
• You refuse to play without wearing earplugs.
• You're related to at least one member in the band.
• You hope the host's speech lasts forever.
• You never let any one else sit-in on a tune.
• After the third set, you ask the club manager to let you quit early.
• During the breaks, you go to your van to lie down and rest your eyes.
• You don't recover from the gig until Tuesday afternoon.
• You buy amps because of their weight, not their tone or cool factor.
• You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days.
• You can remember at least seven different club names for the same location.
• You feel guilty looking at hot women at the bar since they're younger than your daughter.